How To Scare
by Sunshine Muncher
Summary: A one shot fanfic where Axton and Maya are so bored they try to make futile attempts to scare Zer0. And poor Axton is always getting hurt! (Lame title I know...)
1. Chapter 1

**So I just sort of thought of this story today and had to write it down, though I swear it was funny when I wrote it... oh well, we'll see how this goes, just Axton and Maya causing trouble for Zer0 in a day.**

Axton stared at the ceiling of Raiders HQ bored. There was absolutely nothing to do. Apparently there were no jobs at all to be done, and most of the vault hunters were out already doing jobs.

The only ones still behind, were Maya, Zer0, Lilith, and Mordecai. But Mordecai was at Moxxi's getting hammered.

"Ugggggh... I'm soo bored!" Axton shouted at nothing in particular. There was no answer of course.

Maya came downstairs from her room, looking equally as bored, "hey Axton, how's life?" Axton smiled, "same as usual." Maya sat down on the couch next to him. There was silence before Maya started, "hey Axton?"

"Yeah"?

"Have you ever wondered if Zer0 gets scared by anything?"

Axton thought about it, because he never had. Zer0 certainly was the kind of emotionless guy who never seemed afraid, but it was impossible to tell with that mask of his. Could a cold blooded killer feel fear? Could the assassin scream?

Zer0 did seem to have some sort of emotion, though he didn't usually laugh unless he was killing, partly because it creeped the hell out of everybody.

Axton smiled, though he new this would be stupid to say to the siren, "why? Does somebody have a crush on him?"

Maya whipped around and slapped him. Axton rubbed his face wincing as Maya smiled sweetly, "please never, ever, bring that up. Ever." Axton laughed nervously, "heheee..."

Axton then answered truthfully, he was actually curious about whether or not the assassin felt anything or not. "Truthfully, I'd like to know." Axton groaned inwardly as an evil grin split Maya's face. "You're going to come up with something...aren't you..." Maya nodded grinning.

Axton smiled, it wouldn't hurt to try, infact, he was so bored he would kill for something to do even getting a sword in he gut.

"Oh god, if we do this, it'll be really funny, but don't blame me if you end up with a sword sticking through your gut!" Axton warned.

He couldn't believe they were doing this.

ATTEMPT #1-

This was a stupid idea, and it probably wouldn't work at all. Axton waited in the closet as he heard approaching footsteps.

He could hear Maya's voice getting closer and closer. Then he heard the signal, as Maya said "wait, my shoes untied." Axton burst out of the closet,

"BLAAAHG!"

There was a scream and suddenly a fist connected with the door, actually through it, into Axton's face throwing him into the closet wall.

"Holy shit Axton! What the hell-" "Hey Salvador..." Axton laughed his head spinning. "Axton... Axton?" It was Maya. She helped him up then everything was blurry. Axton saw Zer0 standing in the back shaking his head.

One trip to Dr. Zed later...

ATTEMPT #2-

"Did you get the air horn?" Maya asked.

"Yeah, hey um Maya?" Axton looked at the can doubtfully, are you sure we should pretend I'm a bandit?" Maya stopped and thought for a moment, "hmm..." Then she shrugged, "nah, it'll be fine, so get into hiding."

Axton shrugged, he already had a massive black eye from the force of Salvador punching him. Why Zer0 wasn't right by he closet and Salvador was there instead, Axton had no clue.

Plus Axton forgot how frightened Salvador easily got too.

Now number two of thier glorious and stupid plan, Maya tells Zer0 that a completely dangerous and insane bandit has been hiding in an abandoned dark basement of a house in Sanctuary, lure the assassin there, Maya disappears at the last moment leaving Zer0 alone in the dark. Maya screams but she is hiding, then Axton sneaks up behind Zer0 and blows an air horn by his ear.

Axton groaned, he was going to so regret this.

Axton waited for awhile until he heard the upstairs door open. In the light of the stairwell, Axton saw Maya and Zer0 descending. Zer0's blade was glowing.

"Where are you, you will die, your head will be mine." Axton almost laughed, but he held it in, as Zer0 searched for the 'bandit'. Just then Maya screamed and rolled silently off to the side and behind a pile of large boxes.

Zer0 whipped around towards the stairs searching for Maya. Axton knew it was time. He slowly crept in the shadows towards Zer0 holding his breath, Axton blew the air horn.

BEEEEEEEE!

Zer0 whipped around and kicked Axton in the gut. With a shout Axton went flying against the wall, very very hard. Axton groaned, "oh god...I knew I'd regret this...

"Oh my god Axton, what were you doing, you need help..." Everything faded.

The plan miserably failed...

BREAK TIME!

Axton winced as he sat on the couch, five tries and nothing yet. Axton had acquired various cuts, scrapes, bruises, and he was sure that Salvador had broke his nose.

He also had a throbbing head from being knocked out.

"So, creepy talking Skag head, didn't work, neither did the fake spider, and these are all terrible pranks." Maya sighed crossing off their list. Axton looked at the options, "how about that speaker system?" Maya smiled, that would be hilarious.

So after setting up a various amount of hidden speakers in the walls in Zer0's room, and connecting them to microphones in Axton's and Maya's room, it was time for

ALL THE WAY TO ATTEMPT #6-

Axton and Maya waited down on the couch, they had given Zer0 a bunch of thier jobs that day, which the assassin gladly accepted, in order to make him exhausted.

"Hey Zer0!" Axton exclaimed cheerfully when the assassin walked in the door, "finished those jobs now?" Zer0 took a moment to answer, he was exhausted.

"Yes, I am done, now leave me sleep."

Maya and Axton exchanged glances, this would work great.

They waited until Zer0 had gone up, then Maya pretended to sound tired, "we'll I'm heading up, I'm so tired." Axton agreed with her, "me too." Just in case Zer0 was listening.

In thier rooms, they picked up thier microphones.

Zer0 was in a deep sleep, when suddenly he woke up hearing a voice. "I'm coming to get you..." the odd voice sounded in his room. Zer0 was up senses alert, heart thudding. "I'm on the first step... I'm on the second step... I'm at your door..."

Zer0 was backing up sword out eyes fixed warily on his door. He heard a scratching noise. He whipped around, nothing. The voices stopped.

The scratching continued, with several rushed footsteps, then a thud. Zer0 opened the door a crack, his heart pounding. Out in the hall, nothing was there.

Zer0 shrugged shaking his head, he must be half asleep, and went to lay back down when the scratching started up again and creaking footsteps. Zer0 jumped as Lilith's voice shouted in the hallway,

"GODDAMNIT! SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"

Then she slammed her door.

"What the hell, that couldn't have been Lilith, but who..." Zer0 muttered to himself. The door creaked open, Zer0 leapt back shaking slightly. "I'm in your bedroom..."

"I'm right behind you..." A badly done voice said.

Zer0 sighed in relief realizing who's it was.

"Axton! That was terrible! I told you to only scratch on the door and make voice effects! Now you ruined it!" That was Maya.  
"well I couldn't help it! You weren't saying anything then-"

Zer0 opened their doors, "I can hear you, what where you doing, stop it."

They looked up. Axton threw the mic away and grinned sheepishly, "uhh...I can explain!" Zer0 sighed and calmed his beating heart slowly and closed his door.

Damn! Stupid Axton!

FINAL ATTEMPT-

Axton and Maya were desperate. They could only come up with one option, though it never worked, even on Salvador who got so scared easily.

Axton and Maya watched Zer0 in the lounge of the raiders HQ, He waited as Zer0 had his back turned then Axton got up and walked over to the assassin, who wasn't even paying attention to him.

Axton tapped the assassin on the shoulder about to yell BOO, when his hand went through the assassin's shoulder, the image faded.

Crap

Behind him, Axton heard Maya snort with laughter. "Oh that's very funny invisible guy!" Axton yelled turning around, "you got me, so come out and AAAAHHHHHH!"

Zer0 was directly behind Axton displaying an LOL on his faceplate. Axton scramble back momentarily frightened and hit a table.

Maya was killing herself laughing, "you screamed like a little girl! Your voice was so high pitched! Axton went red in embarrassment. Zer0 flashed a smiley face at Axton, and said in his metallic voice, "boo."

Well too bad Axton's brilliant plan failed. Axton face palmed trying to maintain composure as Maya and Zer0 made fun of him. "Oh well..." Axton shrugged smiling now, then asked, "but Zer0, no hard feelings about last night, right?"

**aww poor Axton getting beat up in a futile attempt to scare his friends. Well here it is! I hope you liked it!**


	2. Chapter 2

**So I was requested to add another chapter on to this book so I thought I'd give it a try, here you go MetallicHawk!**

Chapter 2-

Axton was still bored, he and Maya had decided to give up trying to scare Zer0 because it just wouldn't work, and Axton was sick of getting hurt everytime. Maya was sitting on the couch to, still smiling every once in awhile. Finally Axton turned to her frowning and asked, "what?"

Maya laughed, "oh, just the way you screamed when Zer0 scared you, plus the look on your face, that was priceless!"

Axton turned away from the siren grumbling.

Just then, Mordecai stumbled in drunk, "hey guys," he slurred. Then went up the stairs and closed the door to his room. Axton and Maya sat in silence, then suddenly an idea struck him. "Hey Maya," Axton smiled, "what if we get Zer0 drunk?"

Maya seemed to think about it for a bit, then she smiled to, "it would be far easier to prank him...though how do we get him alcohol? He rarely drinks."  
"Damn. We have to think of different ways."

ATTEMPT #1-

Axton walked up to Zer0 with Maya behind him. "Hey Zer0, would you like to come to Moxxi's with us?" Axton smiled trying not to laugh. Unfortunately, Zer0 noticed. He displayed a question mark on his visor, "why? You know I don't drink, why are you smiling?" Axton stopped, "umm...heh well..." Zer0 walked away.

"Shit." Axton muttered. Maya was glaring at the commando, "this is why I told you to let me ask him! Now you ruined it!" The siren punched Axton on the arm. "Ow." Axton rubbed his arm, Maya punched hard.

ATTEMPT #2-

Zer0 was leaning against a wall, doing nothing, just thinking, when Maya, just Maya walked up to him. "Hey Z," Maya smiled, "what would you say about hanging out at Moxxi's for awhile?"

Zer0 shook his head.

Maya frowned, "aw come on, you know you deserve it, after having to put up with Axton all day yesterday." Zer0 seemed to be considering it, making Maya hopeful. Then the assassin shook his head, "no, you know I don't drink, stop asking." Maya sighed, "aw come on! Pleeeease!"

Zer0 refused to give in, "no."

Maya watched as he walked away thinking.

ATTEMPT #3-

"Pleeeease!"

"No"

"You know you want to."

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Come to Moxxi's. NOW."

"No."

Damnit Zer0, say yes!"

"No."

"Fine, be like that!"

Maya glared at the assassin.

This wasn't working, time for the final plan.

FINAL ATTEMPT-

Maya walked up to the unsuspecting assassin. She gathered her powers and picked him up in a glowing sphere.

"What, Maya stop it, put me down now."

Maya smiled, "no."

"Maya."

"No."

"I won't drink."

"Yes you will."

Truthfully the assassin did want rakk ale, but he didn't trust Maya. "Maya, now, or else."

Maya laughed, "or else what? You'll use your sword on me? Your trapped right now!" Maya walked into Moxxi's and set Zer0 down in a seat. Zer0 sighed, "fine, you have to drink to, I don't trust you." Maya laughed, "I was planning on drinking anyways." Zer0 slowly bought into the Soren's lies and coaxing, and before long, he was very, very drunk. Maya was less so, she could at least function.

The two stumbled back to Raiders HQ. When Zer0 went up to his room saying, "I can't see straight, don't bother me, I'm tired."

Axton grinned at Maya, "you did it? I knew you would. Though I can't imagine how you got him drunk." Maya smiled, "a little secret of mine. Or perhaps a natural ability." Her vision blurred for a moment. And she let out a huge belch,

BRAAAAAAACK! (bad burp effect...)

Axton laughed, "okay so what are we gonna do?"

Maya sat there smiling with a stupid grin on her flushed face, "um, we could burst through the door, and yell surprise!" Axton frowned, burst? As in break it?" Maya nodded stupidly.

"You are really drunk."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No."

"Urrrrgh, you know what, forget it. We'll go with your plan."

Maya smiled she got up and ran unsteadily up the stairs with Axton trying to shout quietly to wait. "What-Maya hold on! Before you go barging through a door, wait!"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! Lilith shouted angrily. Axton caught up, to see Lilith glaring at Maya. She motioned to Axton who grinned stupidly. "Okay,

One...

Two...

Three...

They smashed through the door,

"SURPRISE!"

Prices of wood were flying all over, and Zer0, who had been lying on his bed, leapt up shouting, actually freaked out, a WTF BRO on his visor.

Maya laughed, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

"What the hell! You freaked the hell outta me! You put a hole in my door!"

Maya grinned nodding. Axton on the other hand was getting up laughing, "you were scared! I knew it!"

"Why my door? You have to replace it, get out."

Axton picked up Maya and they actually opened the door, and left Zer0 trying to calm himself down, he didn't actually think that he could be scared as easily, damnit Maya, why did I drink, my door... The assassin thought, though as annoying as it was, it was really funny too for some reason, the look on Maya's face as she broke through the door, was priceless.

Maya staggered up to Lilith, feeling the pain from breaking through the wood, "see, we scared Zer0! I knew it was possible!" She and Axton high-fived, while Lilith shook her head laughing, "you two are idiots!"

And thus the mystery was solved, Axton and Maya discovered that Zer0 could be frightened, it turned out he had to be drunk though...


End file.
